What would you tell your younger self, and would they believe you?

After a long time playing with the idea, I finally started a Pranayama & Meditation group class and loved every second of it! During the whole day, I couldn’t stop thinking about the young version of me that sat down in her first meditation class about 15 years ago and whether she would believe me if I sat next to her and told her - as she looked at her teacher in absolute awe - that she would be the one teaching a class in a not-so-distant future. My heart is so full of love and gratitude for this version of me trusting whatever lead her there. I still don’t know how I stumbled across that course in a time and a country where this wasn’t widespread. But I remember the first class as if it was yesterday, the way you only remember days that changed everything! I remember that I had no money, so I had to sacrifice a few things to afford this course and that I had to walk over 1h each way for every session! I remember being completely blown away by the clarity that dawned on me that day and I remember feeling so much lighter and at ease, in this one class and all the following classes! The classes were really changing me, in a profound but so simple way and some of the teachings are still so present to this day. The next few chapters of this story weren’t as linear as I wished and not too long after the course finished, I took a long break from the practice. Life happened and I kept being pulled away from the one thing that was keeping me together. Until one day, in a different country and in what felt like a different life, it found me again! I was lost, the life I knew was falling apart and I needed something (anything!) to take away the pain I was feeling. I remember this was not like the first time I sat to meditate where it was all clarity and peace. This time it was hard, it was dark, it was loud, and uncomfortable but I knew I had to keep going. And every time I sat down to meditate, I could feel small changes taking place. In time, the small changes during meditation turned into big changes when I wasn’t meditating. The real magic started to happen: the practice started to be noticeable in my daily life and I would find myself in the same situation but acting differently and being aware that I had the choice to act differently! This time it was for real, I was peeling layers and layers of pain and slowly finding out what was underneath. I am still finding out what is underneath, this is a lifelong practice that keeps on giving. And yet as I sit here writing this, I still doubt that the dreams I have today are attainable. And so, I vow to remind myself every time I doubt, that what I did yesterday (and every time I teach a class) seemed pretty impossible not so long ago. I tell the present version of myself what I would tell the version that sat in that first class: You will be ok! Keep dreaming, keep trusting. You are enough, you are worth it, you’ve got this! A final note: This is not about praising my achievements, in meditation or in life! Not at all, firstly because I am aware that they are small achievements in the big scheme of things and I am not here to try to paint them any differently. This is not a story about achieving or chasing anything, it’s a story about letting go, letting go of layers of pain and old storylines. This is a story about patience and showing up, about allowing things to take their course and their time. This is a story about ups and downs, breakthroughs and breakdowns, and learning how to sit comfortably with both. With love & gratitude, Ri